I’m asked that a lot. Like a lot a lot. From friends, from co-workers, from friends’ co-workers, from siblings, like everyone. I get it. I’m a 35-year-old waitress. And I have a spiel to go with it. I’m an actress, improviser, writer, blogger, beauty consultant, volunteer and I’m going back to school in January. I must justify. JUSTIFY it almost weekly.
In fact, in all honesty, in heaps of shame, I would not date myself. If I saw me on Tinder, I’d swipe left because who at my age (my ripe old age) is a waitress (I’m working on this)? On paper, I’m the Dallas Cowboys. The worst bet in history. But paper, from what I’ve discovered first hand, it’s the best illusion created. I dated paper. In fact, if you asked me two years ago what I was doing with my life… actually you wouldn’t ask me. You’d know given my amazing job, my location, my relationship status, my creative endeavors you’d know that I was doing just fine. But tonight, at 2am, I’m drinking a whiskey and writing about the night that lead up to now. And I don’t have to get up until 3pm. Truth is, I’ll wake up in 6 hours and work all day long. But I’m drinking whiskey and listing to Ed Sheeran. Life. Fuck it.
But life… life is tricky. We’ve all seen The Family Man starring Nic Cage. “A fast-lane investment broker, offered the opportunity to see how the other half lives, wakes up to find that his sports car and girlfriend have become a mini-van and wife.” THE HORROR!!! Gah, what would happen if we didn’t have all the comforts of … money, security? I don’t know… this? You’d do what I’m doing now. You’d start over from the beginning and try again. Often the best bets are made when we don’t pass Go. When we don’t get to to collect $200. We must try again because sometimes Baltic Avenue is the BEST place to park a hotel.
What I’m planting, what I’m aspiring to do, I don’t know if or what will pan out. Sure I could have gotten a job, a normal job and sat behind a desk to have the illusion of security or establishment. I could date that guy and pretended to make sense to you but truth is, Id’ go crazy trying to fit into your idea. I’ve planted thousand of seeds and see them sprouting at different rates and some not at all. But I’d rather risk and fail than to have not risked at all. So basically I’m betting it all on black. Or the Dallas Cowboys. Because even if it doesn’t pay off, OR GOD WILLING IT DOES, i’ll either be a master genius or I’ll be right where I am right now, trying to figure it all out.
I’m absolutely humbled to be where I am in life but am endlessly grateful to be here at all. I am blessed with any opportunity I’m given. It’s not the best life, but it’s my life and I will make it fantastic because if you’ve met me you know fantastic is all I do!! Drops mic, walks out.